If there is one thing I have learned over my years advising families from our Windsor office, it is this: people do not want to deal with their legal Wills.
It sits permanently at the bottom of the family admin list. We humanise the delay with practical excuses—”it’s too expensive,” “I don’t have enough assets yet,” or “it’s too complicated.” But underneath it all lies a very natural emotional discomfort. Writing a will forces us to confront our own mortality and make heavy, definitive decisions about family dynamics.
The pressure to get those decisions “perfectly right” for the next 30 years often leads to total paralysis. People avoid starting because they worry their family structures or relationships might change tomorrow, rendering the expensive legal document obsolete.
This is exactly why understanding the difference between a Legal Will and a separate Letter of Wishes is so liberating. Together, they form the ultimate estate planning toolkit, balancing rigid legal protection with human flexibility.
The Legal Structure vs. The Living Document
To build a resilient estate plan, you must understand how these two documents work in tandem:
1. The Legal Will (The Fixed Pillars)
Your Will is a formal, legally binding document. It must be executed precisely under the Wills Act, witnessed correctly, and stands as a public document once probate is granted. Because of this rigidity, it should only contain the heavy, structural pillars of your estate:
– Who your Executors are.
– Who will act as legal guardians for minor children.
– How the main bulk of your wealth, property, and assets are divided.
2. The Letter of Wishes (The Flexible Blueprint)
A Letter of Wishes is a confidential document written alongside your will. It is addressed directly to your Executors and Trustees. Crucially, it is not legally binding, but it is morally binding. Executors have a fiduciary duty to consider it, yet because it sits outside the strict legal framework of the courts, it offers immense strategic benefits:
– Complete Confidentiality: Unlike your Will, a Letter of Wishes remains entirely private. It never becomes a matter of public record, allowing you to explain the *reasons* behind your decisions without causing unnecessary family rifts.
– Fluidity as Relationships Evolve: Life changes. Friendships drift, children mature (or go through volatile patches), and financial needs shift. If you want to alter the guidance in your Letter of Wishes, you do not need to rewrite your will or execute a formal codicil. You simply tear up the old letter, write a new one, sign it, and place it with your will. It costs nothing and takes minutes.
– The Granular Detail: Your will is not the place to dictate who gets the family grandfather clock, how you want your funeral structured, or exactly how a trust should distribute money for a grandchild’s university education. The Letter of Wishes is the perfect home for these deeply
personal, practical nuances.
When “Later” Becomes Too Late: Two Realities from the Windsor Office
When we put off these conversations, we aren’t protecting our families from discomfort; we are passing the burden onto our children and partners, who are forced to step into a administrative maze during their moments of deepest grief.
Only this week in our Windsor office, I spoke with two clients who perfectly illustrate the spectrum of estate planning—the risks of complacency and the danger of unexpected crises.
The 50-Year Time Warp
I was visited by a new client aged 90, and his partner aged 82. He had been married twice before; she had only ever been with him. Between them, they navigated a beautifully complex blended family: children from his first two marriages, alongside children they had shares together.
He came to me to finally put his affairs in order. The shocking revelation? He had last written his will over 50 years ago.
Think about how much the world, the tax landscape, and his own family dynamic had shifted in half a century. Had the worst happened before he walked through my door, a 50-year-old document would have governed his estate, almost certainly triggering catastrophic financial chaos, unintended disinheritances, and a bitter, expensive legal battle for his children.
The Abrupt Reality of the Unsigned LPA
Even more heartbreaking was a phone call I received last week. Two years ago, I sat with a client and drew up their comprehensive Wills. During that meeting, we had an in-depth discussion about the absolute necessity of Lasting Powers of Attorney (LPAs) and life insurance.
The client decided they would handle the LPAs themselves to save a small amount of money as she had time to get this done herself. Sadly, as is so often the case with life admin, it slipped down the priority list and never happened.
Last week, the husband suffered a severe fall. He is now in a coma. He leaves behind a devastated wife and two small children. Because there is no LPA in place, his wife has zero legal ability to access his sole bank accounts, joint assets, or manage their financial commitments.
The family’s financial world has frozen overnight. Now, the incredibly difficult, emotionally draining, and expensive process of applying to the Court of Protection for a Deputyship order begins—a process that takes months when she needs the support today.
The Role of Your Children and the Power of Attorneys
As we age, estate planning stops being a solo sport. Your adult children frequently need to be woven into the conversation, particularly when establishing Lasting Powers of Attorney.
An LPA is not about giving away control; it is about choosing who handles the steering wheel if you are temporarily or permanently unable to do so yourself. By appointing your children or trusted professionals as attorneys for both *Property & Financial Affairs* and *Health & Welfare*, you grant them the legal shield they need to protect you.
When combined with a clear Will and a well-structured Letter of Wishes, you give your children a definitive script. They won’t have to argue over what they *think* you wanted or fight the courts for access to your care; they simply step into the framework you lovingly built for them.
Let’s Get It Sorted
Whether you are 30 with young children, or you are 90 realizing your paperwork belongs to a different era—do not put this off any longer.
You do not need to have every single micro-decision permanently figured out to secure your family’s future. We can lock in the vital legal protections of your Will and LPAs today, and use the flexible power of a Letter of Wishes to adapt to whatever tomorrow brings.
My door at AFPS in Windsor is always open. Come in, have a coffee, and let’s get this sorted together. Your family will thank you for it. Two conversations from my Windsor office this week that every family needs to hear.
Most people do not want to deal with their legal Wills or Lasting Powers of Attorney (LPAs). It sits permanently at the bottom of the family admin list because confronting our own mortality or potential loss of capacity is emotionally uncomfortable.
But putting it off doesn’t protect your family—it just passes a massive administrative and financial burden onto your children.
